No One Converted Me

I've been thinking about some of the wording used to describe people who join a church.  The passive voice is rampant in these descriptions.  For example, Alma 19:31-32

And he immediately, seeing the contention among his people, went forth and began to rebuke them, and to teach them the words which he had heard from the mouth of Ammon; and as many as heard his words believed, and were converted unto the Lord.  But there were many among them who would not hear his words; therefore they went on their way.  

One major part for me in the wording of these verses is the phrase "were converted".  That makes it sound like conversion was something done to them. When I tell the story of my own conversion I tell it like I own it.  I say "I converted when I was eighteen", or "I chose this religion because...".  It was an active, educated decision I made because I felt God calling me home through the Book of Mormon and this faith.  I don't ever say it in the passive voice as, "I was converted the summer I turned seventeen".  I certainly never say it was my friends or the missionaries who converted me.  The year I waited to be baptized was rough, and no boyfriend or social group was worth what I went through to get to baptism.

I feel like thorough conversion is an active thing a person chooses to do (I converted), not something that is done to them (I was converted).  To maintain my conversion I am constantly repenting and choosing to believe, and neither of those things can be done for me by someone else. 

I also have the question in mind, "What are you converted to?"   The scriptures many times say that people were converted "unto the Lord".  I chose to convert to believing in the Lord.  I heard, I wanted to believe, I chose to convert to the church of Jesus Christ, to convert unto the Lord.  I did not convert to a social group, though that is certainly available through the church.  I did not convert to the lifestyle, though I do like it and I choose to live the word of wisdom by eating healthy and abstaining from alcohol, drugs, tea, and coffee. 

Romans 10:13-17
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?
And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!
But they have not all obeyed the gospel. For Esaias saith, Lord, who hath believed our report?
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

I did not convert to the missionaries and I was not converted by the missionaries.  They were merely the conduit through which God gave me information about His church.  I converted to a relationship, with regular communication and guidance from God through the Holy Ghost, so I can better live my life and help others.  I have Christ as my example of how I want to live, healing and helping others.  But no one converted me.  I feel like God found me and called me home.

And It Came To Pass

There seems to be a culturally based idea, at least in my religion, which says if you live your life as a righteous member that your life will be easier.  (This begs the questions: what does it mean to be a "righteous member" and what does "easier" mean, but those are different discussions.)  There is this pervasive idea that if you don't do as you've been instructed, if you're not obedient to authority, that you'll have more challenges and a harder time.  If and when you return to the fold your life will go back to being easy.  If a person subscribes to this line of thought, it's simple to jump to the conclusion that if someone's life is hard, they must be paying for mistakes or sinning. 

I'm not sure where this concept comes from, since it's certainly not accurate.  If I look at it from a Biblical perspective I find Job, who was described as "perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil" Job 1:1.  He had as many troubles as most mortals experience in a lifetime, despite being such a good guy.  In my own personal experience, I live a pretty clean life as far as standards go.  Yet I've had some tremendous challenges including brain damage, back surgery, near paralyzing pain for months on end, and that's just some of my physical challenges. 

I think its a huge misconception that "righteous members" (whatever that means) have it easier. Mortality is just hard, regardless of your walk of life.   Whether I am Christian, Buddhist, or worship little green men from space, I am not exempt from difficulties that come with having a mortal body and being on this planet.  As far as religion and life choices, I believe that I choose the path I want to walk and learn what I can from it.  Joining my church has surely not made my life easier, but I stick with it because it's what I want.  Owning my choice and acknowledging that life is just hard, insulates me from the idea that I'm a bad person and being punished for something I've done wrong.  It also keeps me from judging someone else as a sinner or judging their mistakes because their life is hard.  It also prevents me from judging others to be better people than I am because to me their lives look idyllic or easy. 

Judge not, that ye be not judged.  For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.   And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?  Matt 7:1-3 (KJV)

"For thus saith the Lord:  Ye shall not esteem one flesh above another, or one man shall not think himself above another;"  Mosiah 23:7

One of the things that helps me when things are really difficult is to remind myself of something a friend used to say all the time.  When she was stressed, she would tell herself, "It came to pass.  It didn't come to stay, it came to pass."  It Came To Pass is a simple little phrase that I find all over the Bible and other scriptures which I've adopted as well.  It reminds me that no challenge lasts forever.  No emotion, regardless of how dramatic, is permanent.  

I like the idea that Christ came and atoned for my sins (and yours, and everyone else's).  I don't think that every time I mess up I'm causing Him more pain, because I believe He already atoned for everything anyone has ever, or could ever do.  The stuff I've already messed up is covered, and the stuff I will mess up is covered.  That's the beauty of it for me, coming to feel like Jesus loves me enough to take care of all of it, even what hasn't happened yet.